the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
