i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
