Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it was like eating out sand paper
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
