Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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