Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Green mimosas i think yes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
