Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize