You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
