Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
