Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
