why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
