Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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