I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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