Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
