note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
