Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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