my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
