I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
