my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
