This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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