can u get pink eye on your cock?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
