You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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