we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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