I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
