Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
