Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
