I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize