Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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