Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
