I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
