Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
