how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
