God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
