my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
