i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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