I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
