no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
