I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
