Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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