If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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