Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
