Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
