Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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