I hate all girls vehemently.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
