Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
