i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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