Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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