I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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