Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
