he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
