He kissed a someone with a penis
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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