You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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