he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
