***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
