I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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