Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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