Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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