i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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