so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
