you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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