alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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