Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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