She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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