Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
