If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
