Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think a kid would responsible me up
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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