I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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