I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
