this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
