This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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