Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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