Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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