I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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