I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
