I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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