Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
