I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
