Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize