Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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