What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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