I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Randomize
