You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
